There is so much I have seen and changed about me during the last 6 months. I will look back at this time and know it has had me become a different person.
I know me well enough to know that I will be distinguishing and sharing all of the things I have shifted and all of the things that were important to me and are no longer important. There are also things that were not important that are now important.
This post is the beginning of that exploration and sharing.
1. My roots(we are talking hair roots) are longer than they ever have been - I mean EVER. I do have an appointment on Thursday to have my hair cut and colored. The thought of pushing that appointment yet another time no longer fills me with dread and panic. My interest in my presentation has moved so far down my priority list that I may not know who the list belongs to.
2. I am letting my dad make his own choices. He doesn't HAVE TO anything. I can and will continue to bring what I bring to the party without the white knuckleness of control. It is his life. It is not mine. My offers are offers. My gifts are gifts. My contribution is that, a contribution of my choosing and if he doesn't accept it, he owes me nothing. I am under no obligation to contribute and if I do, that is my choice and if I don't, I am not a bad daughter. Nor am I a good daughter if I do. I am his daughter and I love him.
3. I have come leaps and bounds in accepting my body as it is. I have short chubby legs. I have thighs that jiggle. I have varicose veins and bat wings. I have cellulite and chin hair. My body is so amazing - it has supported me and let me use it to run an ungodly number of miles and has allowed me to take on something that has raised over $13,000 for a cause that is very close to my heart and the hearts of the people I love.
4. I miss my mom. I mean I really, really miss my mom. It's okay for me to tell you that and it's okay for me to cry. It's okay for me to miss my mom even though her body is still alive. My mom would make sure her body was at the marathon, cheering for me in a way that would embarrass most people. The person in my mom's body now will not be there. I really miss my mom.
You're doing great. Thanks for sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteI just spent the weekend with my friend from Washington D.C. who is 9 years older than you. She just finished the Susan G Koman
walk for cure marathon and she walked over 700 miles last year training for it.
She was dedicated to the cause much like you, and is very happy that she decided to do it and saw it through to the end.
Keep the faith and keep up the good work!