New Structures

One of the things I wanted to do while I am visiting my folks was to see if I could support my dad in getting back out on the golf course. As with so many caregivers, he has stopped doing the things he did before my mom got sick. Caring for her, takes so much out of him.

At first, he was taking mom out and let her ride with him and watch for where is ball went. She was not good at it. He got frustrated with her, she felt wronged and it all just went to hell. So, he didn't want to leave her home alone, so he stopped going.

I got him a cell phone a short time ago and mom still knows he has one. So, we went out to golf and told her dad had his cell phone. She asked where the number was and we showed her on the fridge door. We went, he played great, we came home.

The funnest part for me is that I can tell her over and over that dad did great at golf and it is the first time I am telling her. That means I get to share it many times, making it more and more real in my memory and in dad's. He did play great that day.

Then, we decide to go the next day. We tell her we are going. No mention of the call phone and even worse, we don't bring mine or his.

We come home and I am the first to walk into the house. Dad is backing the golf cart into it's spot. Mom is sitting in her chair and she is really, really mad.

"Where have you been?"

"Golfing."

"I came out of the bathroom, no one is here, no note, no nothing."

"I'm sorry Mom, that must have been frightening."

"I wasn't frightened, I just didn't know where you were - why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry Mom, next time, we will leave a note."

"Why didn't you this time?"

Oh boy, I do not know what to do now. So, I pick a tactic.

"Mom, we did tell you, your disease had you forget. We will leave a note from now on so if you forget, the note will tell you."

"No one told me."

"I'm so sorry Mom."

The good thing is, she forgot this happened as well but when I left a note yesterday, she got annoyed that I told her we were going - what does she need a note for? So, I added dad's cell phone number to the note so she will have it right there just in case she needs us. That seemed to make it okay.

Added item - leave a note that includes the cell phone number.