Parent Care

All of us Dering kids were together over the weekend. Robin and I live in New York state. Michelle in Florida and Gussie in California. I have pretty much been the 'point person', 'sibling on the front line' or whatever we want to call it, regarding the care of my mom and dad. I am able to be in Florida for about half the year. I have put a whole lot of pressure on myself to make sure the parents are okay when I can not be there.

I have pretty much been failing in that task. My dad has been angry, withdrawn and sometimes just plain mean since I came back to New York in April. I have not known what to do or what to ask for from my siblings.

Then, along came Victoria! She is my brother's wife, my sister-in-law. She loves my mom and dad like no one would ever expect someone to love in-laws. She came up with a plan to have all visits on the calendar. She just took over and gave me so much support and freedom that I was sure I wasn't carrying it all on my shoulders.

I may have to come up with a phrase different than The Dering Six.

John's friend Jimmy

My sister Michelle is married to John.

Their son got married yesterday.

The rehearsal dinner was Friday night.

John has a lifelong friend, Jimmy.

I have always enjoyed Jimmy and have not spent much time with him over the years. He is funny and quick witted and kind.

At the rehearsal dinner, Jimmy asked me "What's new? What are you up to?"

I shared about training for the marathon.

I had no thought of asking him for a donation.

Jimmy asked if he could make a difference and donate to the fund.

Jimmy will always be in my heart.

I Got My Bib!!!!

I heard from Run2Remember and I have been accepted to the team! I have a number!!!!

I am thrilled beyond thrilled.

Woo Hoo!

Kyle gets married today.

My mom seems to no longer want to go home. Today..... we shall see.

I am loving being with my family.

The Day Before The Wedding

Kyle marries Melissa tomorrow. As Joe Biden would say, "This is a big F'in deal."

The Dering Six will be together. This will be the first time since we took that picture that in on the top of this blog. Maybe I'll get a good one to update my photo.

We are all in this marathon thing together - we are just using my legs.

The Dering Six

We will all be in one place this weekend. Michelle's oldest son, Kyle, gets married this weekend. We will all be converging in Albany. My parents are already in Albany and my mom wants to go home. This must be rough for her - so much change and input and out of her familiar surroundings.

I am thinking this will be the last time we are all together before a health crisis or death has us converge. I am wanting to embrace and enjoy this time. I love my mom, I miss the mom I grew up with. Funny thing, we were so at odds when I was growing up and yet, I miss the her she was then. I do not know this woman who wants to go home.

Rambling on and on and will probably edit this once I get my head on straight.

Maybe not, as I might want to revisit my journey sometime.

This is all part of the journey.

My Achilles

I am surrendering to my tendonitis. I am not quitting my training, I am not giving up, I am taking time off and getting help. This week is scheduled to be 45 minutes, walking at 13-16 minute miles. I am going to do my elliptical. I will continue my stretches.

I have an appointment with my podiatrist to get new running orthotics, with a lift in the heel. The first appointment I could get was for June 11. I have also ordered an achilles tendon strap to try.

I am so pleased that I started this training early enough to be able to get correction in and still have the 16 weeks left to really train.

Another Dog - Another Solution

I am getting me so Runners Mace.

This week, the training schedule added 15 minutes to my run. Rather than turn around at the end of Mountain Road and run 7 1/2 minutes up and back, I decided to see how far up Stissing Road I could get in that time. I ran for about 3 minutes and heard that noise that now sends a shiver up my spine. A dog barking and growling.

He was more than 100 yards away in a field and was running towards me. I stopped running, turned around and began walking. I had hoped he would not see me as a threat and would stay in his field. No such luck. He kept coming and coming. He did stop at the fence line and I hoped that was that.

Nope.

As I walked further back down Stissing Road, he found me again. I could hear him running behind me, but no barking. I was frightened and pulled my hands up to my neck, not wanting to get my hand bit. I just kept up my pace.

The dog ran past me, turned and looked at me. I have to admit that I thought, he just wants to play - but I was too frightened to engage him. He left me alone.

I now need to decide at what point I will use the mace if I have to.

The Structure Worked!

The windows needed washing. The gorgeous view of the Catskills was getting blurrier and blurrier. I finished lunch yesterday and got up the gumption to tackle the windows. It was a beautiful afternoon.

The windows in the great room are 68 inches tall and 34 inches wide. The bedroom windows are shorter and can be done without a step ladder. Anyway, they take a bit of time to do. I finished, quite proud of myself and started bringing the gear inside.

I hear my cell phone alarm! I had not done my afternoon stretches. The alarm is set for 1:00PM and it was now 1:10PM. I am unsure about how many times it will sound after the appointed time. I set everything down and did my 6 minute routine. I suspected that if I finished bringing in the gear, thinking I would do the stretches when that job was done, I would forget and my alarm would stop.

Two days in a row I did all of my achilles stretches!

Hooray for me!

Structures, Structures and Structures

I am a fan of structures.

I say that if I want something, I figure out a structure that if used, will have me get what I want. Then, I use that structure and get what I want.

I know that it sounds way more simplistic than it really is when life falls in on me. I know that there are times when whatever structure I come up with, even when followed does not give me what I want. There might need to be some tweaking of the structure along the way.

Structure is key.

So, I was talking to Doreen about my bothersome achilles yesterday. I told her my structure - the three times a day stretches. In telling her, I saw a possible flaw in the structure.

How was I going to remember to do the stretches?

The morning one is easy:

- A note on my computer screen - Did you do your strectches?

The after lunch one is the one that has the most opportunity to get away from me. So, I came up with this structure:

- I set my cell phone alarm for 1:00PM. When it goes off, if I have not already done the stretches, I hear the reminder like "Hey, you have to take your medicine!" and I stop what I am doing and do the stretches.

The after dinner one is kinda easy:

- I call my dad at 6:45 every night. The point of that call is to always make sure he and my mom took there evening pills and to see if there is anything new or needed. I will have the stretches done before that call or use that call as a reminder to start the stretches. I might even be able to do them while talking to them.

I will do updates on how my structures are doing - or how I am doing in using the structures and how my tendon is doing.

My Achilles Heel

From Wikipedia:

An Achilles’ heel is a deadly weakness in spite of overall strength, that can actually or potentially lead to downfall.

So..... I am sure I have more than one Achilles Heel - and the one I am going to talk about to today is actually my achilles tendon. It is my 'running thing'. For years, whenever I have taken on running on a regular basis - it rears it's ugly head and I am limping.

A few years back, I buggered it up horribly. So horribly that I went to the doctor and then to physical therapy.

I woke up this morning and the achilles tendon in my right foot was talking very loudly to me. It was saying "Hey - you! Don't you remember what happens when you try to make me run?"

I do remember, so.... what am I going to do about it?

I am not going to not run.

I am going to do what the physical therapist told me to do the last time.

Three times a day I will be doing stretches for my achilles. 30 seconds each leg, 6 times - so that means 6 minutes each time, 3 times a day. The first will be done before I sit down to my computer each morning. The second will be after lunch is done and cleaned up and the third will be after dinner and before I set up the coffee maker.

That's the plan. I'll let you know how I am doing and how it is working.

It's Sanya Richards

She is the woman I thought I should know and didn't. It took me a bit to find out. When she pops up in the window after I download my runs, she does say who she is and it sounded to me like Tanya Richardson. It is ego boosting to have her congratulate me.

What me and my ego are on the look-out for - training (read that running) too hard, too fast in order to get her to give me the "Atta Girl".

Reminding myself this is not a sprint - this is a marathon.

How giggle producing is that? I have used that phrase many times in my life and this is the first time it really is a marathon.

My Second First

Last week, I said that I thought I would be having many 'firsts' during this journey I am on to train and run the NYC marathon. The first first was the first time I ever got bitten by a dog. Well...... yesterday...... wait for it.... here it comes.... my second first!


I fell.

That's right, I fell. The 'funny' (not ha ha funny, of course)thing is that I fell during my 1/2 mile warm-up walk to get to where I do my stretching and start my run.

There is a short steep hill that is a one way road to get me to the beginning of Mountain Road. The traffic comes at my back. NO ONE is ever on that road - HA - WRONG.

Things I did that led to my fall:

1. It was cold, so I wore my sweat band over my ears.

2. I was thinking about a conversation I have been having with Amy, Doreen and Alex about my ego rather than paying attention to my warm-up.

3. When I finally heard the vehicle behind me, I moved over into the 'crap' on the side of the road and I kept moving.

4. I stepped on a branch without being certain where the other end of the branch was.

Things that saved me:

1. My darn capris - I love those Danskin capris. No blood on my leg at all.

2. Saying to myself, as I was going down "Don't break your wrist. Don't break your wrist."

3. The driver of the school bus saw me soon enough to totally stop before she came anywhere close to hitting me.

4. My long sleeve Reebok running jacket saved my arm from getting scraped up.

I also appreciate myself for turning around as I was walking home thinking "Lynn, you aren't having any trouble walking - you can run, silly girl." I did run and had my best 3 mile ever.

My left leg is adorned with the dog bite bruise. My right leg is adorned with bruises on my upper outer thigh and scraps on the calf. My left hand has small holes where some pebbles broke the skin and my left elbow is a bit of a mess.

Nothing is broken. I am banged up. I am lucky.

Today is a day off, so I will just be doing a warm-up on the elliptical, upper body weight work and my stretching.

I am getting all of the 'beat up my body' firsts out of the way early.

My Nike+ SportBand

My nephew, Kyle, ran in a half marathon last year. He told me about the Nike+SportBand and I bought one. I had some problems in the beginning, actually had the first one go bonkers on me and it was replaced. Anyway - the latest thing that surprised me.

When I finish a run, I upload the run info from the watch to the Nike Running site. It keeps the data and lets me know some pretty interesting stuff - that is not what was surprising. Suddenly, this woman, who I am pretty sure I should recognize, but I don't, shows up on my screen and congratulates me on my "fastest mile ever".

I wonder what else she will say to me as my training goes on.

Promise Kept

Saturday was the day of the bite. Sunday was a day off. Monday (yesterday), I ran on Mountain Road. The German Shepherd was in his pen. Poor guy, I think he was asleep when I first got to his house, as the barking did not start until I was well past his pen. Then, he did not stop the entire time I ran to the end of Mountain Road and back to his house. I think I outran the noise.

The bruise is getting uglier and uglier and less and less uncomfortable. Interesting how I was aware of the area while walking to the beginning of Mountain Road. Once I started my run, never even thought about the bruise.

I wonder how long it will take before I am not 'on guard' as I come up to that house.

The Evidence

In my goal to have a permanent shift in being supportable and being coachable, I find myself simply doing what others suggest. It is very funny to watch my initial reaction - all of the reasons why what was just said is not necessary or silly or overkill or whatever.

Kevin suggested that I take a picture of the dog bite, just in case it happens again. He even said something about 'evidence in court'. I got that the dog's daddy was telling me the truth about not having his dog outside ever agin and at the same time, I know accidents happen.

So........ here is the evidence, chubby thigh and all.

My First First

I know there will be plenty of firsts as I continue this journey. The first time I run 10 miles straight, will be a first. I might have a first time I cry while running. I might have a first time I take an ice bath - my friend Doreen did those during her training last year. So, I am prepared for firsts and will be noting them.

My first first!

I got bit by a dog.

Yes I did.

Mountain Road is a perfect place for me to run. It is a half mile from my house, so I get my muscles warmed up while getting there, there is a perfect spot for me to stretch before starting my run. If I see 3 cars during the 30 minutes I am on the road, that is a lot. It starts out with a slight uphill slope and there is very little sunlight due to the tall forest on both sides of the road. It is 1.5 miles long exactly, so it is an easy 3 mile course.

Years ago my elliptical was broken and while I was waiting to have it fixed I ran outside. There was always a German Shepherd in a pen - it would bark and growl and all, but.... heck it was penned. Then one day, it was not penned. Ooopsie - I was very frightened. I stopped running and tried to make myself very small and protect my hands, face and torso. The dog ran around me and then started heading the direction I had been going. I turned and tried to get away and it came back and circled me. It soon became apparent that it just wanted to run and play with me. So ran we did. Back then, I was doing 6 miles, so it followed me to the end of Mountain Road and then back to the beginning and then we did the entire road again. Then, it followed me home. I was concerned as we have to cross Rte 82. The dog hung out at my house all morning. I finally got in my car and let the dog follow me back to it's home. I left a note, just in case it followed my car home again so they would know where to find their dog.

The dog was never out of it's pen again. My elliptical got fixed and I was no longer running outside.

Until now.

That house, a German Shepherd yesterday.

The owners were outside as well. So, in my mind, playful dog, owners outside, nothing to fear. I just kept my pace. I didn't look at the dog or the owners, thinking it would all be fine. It wasn't. As they yelled the dogs name, it ran up to me and bit me in the back of my left leg.

I yelled some swear word, stopped running and the dog ran away. The male owner came running toward me and asked if I needed him to call 911. I rolled up my capris and saw that the skin had not been broken. There were 2 scrapes, but no puncture. 4 teeth marks were obvious, but no blood. I was shaking and just wanted to flee. I told the owner, no to 911. Then he asked if I needed ice or to come inside or to be driven home or anything. I said no that I thought I was just very frightened. He asked if the dog had bit me or nipped me. I said - it was a bite and I rolled up my capri leg again to show him. It had gotten redder in just that minute or so. It still hurt, but it was not unbearable.

The owner again asked what he could do and I said, I think I just want to finish my run. Then he looked me right in the eye and said "I do not want you to be frightened about running on this road. I promise you he will never be out again." I looked right at him and believed him. I said Thank you.

I finished my run, iced it when I got home and spent the rest of the day watching the bruise get more and more colorful and teeth marks get more red. Still no skin puncture, thank goodness.

Later in the morning, given my quest for the coveted purse, I did 10 minutes on the elliptical to warm up and completed my stretching routine.

Did you notice my countdown to the coveted purse being mine?

Being Coachable

One of my goals for this adventure is to have a permanent shift in being coachable. I kinda sorta have a tendency to think I know best. Okay, you either are still laughing or you are saying some version of D'uh.

The most recent coaching I got was from Bobby. He suggested that Amy and I get into a routine. The training is now not strenuous and either 3 or 4 days a week. The strenuous part will come, but not really until August.

So, given my interest in being coachable, Amy and I now have all of our exercising on our calendar. We will not have 2 days off in a row. We will have our long run on Saturday and take Friday and Sunday off. This is not important now, for our bodies, but is important now for the routine of it all. Routine is important they say, so I am surrendering and going with routine.

I did my stretching yesterday - 51 days to the coveted bag!

The Coveted Backpack Bag

As I was stretching yesterday, I was thinking about the suggestion Skoop made about having the bag I am coveting be a reward for doing my stretching. Funny how many different ways I can interpret that idea:

1. It's a bribe.

2. It's motivation.

3. It's quid pro quo.

4. It will work.

I am sure there are many more interpretations and I am making that deal. If I do my entire stretching regimen each and every day between now and July 4, I get to buy that bag.

I will add a note to my blog each day to report on my stretching.

Daunting/Challenging/Doable

Amy and I were talking the other day. She said something like "You are going to have no problem running the marathon." The immediate thought I had was "Are you insane - it is going to hard - like the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life." Then...... I thought about my goal to be supportable and coachable. So.... it made sense to me to get behind her prediction.

Here is where I am about it. I will finish. Whatever I think during the process, whether I say it is difficult, it is fun, it is challenging, it is daunting, whatever I say at any given time - it is doable and I will do it.

Count on it.

Wanting to Want To

So, I get it - there is weather. There is wind and rain and sun and heat and sleet and snow. I really get it. There is no way of knowing what the weather will be like in NYC on November 7th. It is a good idea for me to train in all sorts of weather. I understand.

I am still annoyed about going out this morning in the rain.

Knowing stuff hasn't made a difference this morning.

Logic hasn't made a difference this morning.

I still don't want to.

I still will while not wanting to.

I want to want to.

Wanting to want to is making no difference in wanting to.

Stretching!

Not a fan - never have been and I am currently trying to make myself become a fan. It is kinda like practicing putting. It is boring, there is no WOW factor, I am not good at it and I know if I get good at it, it will change the game for the better. Oh - stretching is also uncomfortable.

Skoop suggested that I change the way I think about stretching - she thinks of it as something she does for herself. That doesn't do it for me - if I am going to do something for me, I will buy that peacock Anuschka back-pack handbag I have been coveting. So, I am in the process of figuring out a way to think of stretching so I want to do it. So far..... I got nothing - so I will just do it because it is good for me and if I don't, I won't get what I want, which is to be able to complete my training and complete the marathon.

I am a sissy girl!

I am beginning to see how much of a weather sissy girl I am. I have had so many pieces of gym equipment in my home through the years that I have never had to worry about what the weather is outside. I never thought about when to exercise. I just put on my running clothes and walked to the guest room. I also liked watching TV while exercising.

Now this training has added a whole new part to it all.

It's in the low 40's right now.

I am fortunate that I can wait a few hours before going out to do my 30 minutes of walking today. This is the second week of the training to start the training.

It's Mother's Day

I've come a long way since Mother's Day last year. Mostly, I cried all day long last year. Mostly I felt sorry for myself and sorry for my mom and sorry for our entire family. Mostly I was mourning the loss of the mom I knew. Alzheimer's can do that to families, I hear.

This year, I am remembering and honoring what my mom taught me and the role model she is for me and for who I know her to be.

- Getting what you want while having others have what they want and need as well (I tried to figure out a shorter way to say that and I couldn't) - My brother was finally off the school. My mom was bored. She said that if she had to sit around and listen to her neighbor lady friends for one more coffee klatch, she would blow a gasket. She told me dad she wanted to get a job, just something to get out of the house and to tell her friends a reason for not joining their gossipfest. My dad threw a fit. My mom's job was to be home for and with us four kids. She persisted until he threw down the rules - she had to be home when the last kid got on the bus and the first kid got off. She had to be home on school vacations and snow days. She had to be home all summer, and any other time a kid was home. My mom figured it out. She was the cashier lunch lady at our elementary school. She was happy, my dad got what he wanted and us four were always taken care of.

- Being a full partner - My mom never really worked until I was in high school. My dad was the breadwinner and when we were very young, worked more overtime than anyone wants to remember. My dad made the money and my mom did everything else. My mom showed me that the amount of money you bring into the household has nothing - I mean NO thing - to do with the partnership. It was always their money. Not his money because he earned it. This lesson has served me well in all of my partnerships - both personal and business.

- Expressing thanks - I think I was 5 years old and got invited to a friends birthday party. My mom came to pick me up and as I got in the car with my goodie bag, she asked if I had fun. I said yes. She then asked if I thanked my friend's mom for the party, I said no. She told me to get out of the car and go find her and thank her. I did. I was on the stairs from their basement to the kitchen and her mom was in the doorway. I said "My mom says I have to thank you for the party - so thank you." God bless this mom, she said "You are very welcome, Lynn. Your mom is teaching you well. Maybe next time you will thank someone because you want to, not because your mom tells you to." She said it with no attitude or 'make wrong' and my 5 year old brain got this thing about being thankful and expressing it.

- Asking the hard questions - My brother was a catcher - he was pretty good in little league and tried out for the All-Star team and did not make it the first year. I remember hearing my mom and dad speculate about the reasons. It didn't take long for my mom to get on the phone to the coach and ask the hard question "What does Gussie need to work on so he makes the team next year?" I was well into my teens by then and fully expected the question to be "Why didn't he make the team?" I learned so much from watching that.

There is so much more my mom gave me. This journey with her now becoming someone else does not diminish what she taught me. She now gets to teach me how to love her and support her and be with her as she is today - which will be different than who she is tomorrow. It is kinda cool to not be able to predict what she will do or say.

My Goals

Bobby asked me what my goal was for the marathon. It was a great question and had me examine that. Here was my answer:

1. I will run with my friend, Amy. She has not done any running in many years. My goal is for us to train relatively injury free and finish together. I see us crossing the finish line holding our hands above our heads. My goal is to have a deeper and closer friendship with Amy and to learn how to support and encourage her and she me.

2. My goal is to have a permanent shift in how I take support and in being coachable.

3. My goal is to raise $10,000 for Alzheimer's research. I trust that the money I raise will have future families not have to stand by and watch someone they love slowly become someone else.

Running the NYC Marathon!

Brief history of how I got here:

- My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 5 years ago.

- Doreen's dad has Parkinson's.

- Doreen ran in the 2009 NYC marathon for Team Fox.

- I went to the marathon to support her.

- I was moved by her determination, inspired by the support from people on the streets and called to Be Bold and Dig Deep.

- I said I was going to run in 2010 to raise money and awareness for Alzheimer's.

- I applied for the lottery to get a number. I didn't get one.

- I have now applied to Run2Remember for a number. I will hear in the middle of June.